I fought hard to be soft.

[estrogenandspite]

So I refuse to be ashamed that I started crying when my partner was kind to me, because I earned the right to be soft and because she makes me feel safe enough to let the tears flow.

I fought hard to be soft.

So I refuse to be ashamed I’m tearing up because my cat got scared and curled in my lap for comfort, because I know that means I’m safe and that means I kept my promise to never cause pain like I felt.

I fought hard to be soft.

So I refuse to be ashamed that at 37 I sleep curled up with a stuffed shark because I was told my whole life that was weakness but taking care of the basic need for comfort isn’t weakness it is just human.

I fought hard to be soft.

So I refuse to be ashamed that sometimes my relatively easy life can still be too much because I suffered so much the first 30 years of my life and healing takes time so sometimes it’s okay to cry over spilt milk.

I fought hard to be soft.

So I refuse to be ashamed of who I am, to be a hopeless romantic over the first woman to make me feel safe, to be a dork who sings even though she’s bad at it, to spoil my cats rotten because they deserve the best life I can give them.

I refuse to let a fear of being weak stop me from being soft.

I refuse to become hard and callous again.

I fought hard to be soft, and now that I feel like the wounds of years are closing, I’m finally allowing myself to actually be the person I fought to become.

Comments

[reliarobot]

❤️

[beige_alert]

I remember this post! So much this. I get to cry now, finally, after all these years. It's amazing.

[estrogenandspite]

Awww, I'm so happy for you! <3

[softwareangel]

ive always loved this. its so good to see it here again <3

[mentat_emulator]

I remember this post as well. When I read it the first time, I was already beginning to take joy in being soft. It affirmed those feelings, and I found it very moving.

I still struggle with shame when I cry. I don't like to be seen doing it. But given that I cry so much, I think that is something I must work on.

[stillinbeta]

I fought hard to be soft, and I resent everyone who makes me need to not be

[bootjack]

this is so affirming and beautiful. i love it